"I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers."

- From the Lword

wow. I just got an email about the all-male roster of (another) business 2.0 conference. It's not the maleness I necessarily care about, it's the hella-boring hella-offensive PR language. Not in a political correctness kinda way, in a who writes a tagline like;

"Innovate - accelerate - dominate"

...without having to put duct tape over their mouths to keep from harfing every time they read it, kinda way. The only reason I can keep my lunch down is because I haven't eaten it yet.

I can just see the makers of this jewel of corporate ass-speak now, sitting around some faux walnut table that is far to large for the number of people using it, with some open laptops that are there more for show than any function. Some little nebbishkeit is saying" Okay guys we're going to have to really get creative here what are we trying to say with our brand?" And then guy number two who wears pink ties to prove he's not afraid of his own latent homosexuality and that he's 'plugged in' says; "We're going to innovate!" and the mean shark-like one who really *only cares* about money says "Innovate is to 2006."He says (thinking of the new car he just bought and all the payments he has to make); "We're going to accelerate!" and finally, the biggest neck of them, even though they all kind of have skinny necks, the one who was on third string football and went into the tech business because he couldn't pass is LSATS says; "We're going to dominate!"

"You know those couples where they both seem fine, because one of them kinda waters down the other's obnoxia."

"Yeah Jane. I do."

"Have either of us been in couples like that before?"

"Maybe."

"Who's watering down who's obnoxia here?"

"Hard to say."

"It' so exciting to see a blog happen."

So my sad-sack of an ipod was returned to me from apple-hospital in record time, so fast in fact, that I suspect that the little monster basically sat in the DHL van riding around the city for three days.

This suspicion is disproved by the fact that there are no more scratches on the back of it anymore.

Anyways, I plugged it early this morn' to update my podcasts and lo and behold it crashed the itunes and itself and then proceeded to make a "grinding its pointy little metallic teeth from within noise" and promptly ceased to function encore.

So there. Apple you are on my outs list, if you don't get your act in gear I am going to start using a team of highly trained musicians who will follow me through the city and provide me with a sound track for my life in exchange for me pointing out all the moments of ironic humour in their lives. I think that sounds fair.