August 11, 2004

I can't decide if I should file this under the d&d category or under whatever. It's both.

I hate Toronto, except I just found a book called "then again" by Elyse Friedman about a girl who goes to a blast from the past party at her suburban toronto home, only to find two look-alikes portraying her dead parents.

which;

a/ makes me think thank g-d my dads not dead.

and,

b/ only in toronto could I find a book by a girl jew from toronto about dead parents after spending ten minutes at a used bookstore.

About that last comment, I do feel very much like my past is here with me as I try to work through my mothers records and deal with my family, not just in terms of family histories and narratives that formerly only involved me as an observer ( the child of..) and now involve me as a subject (sort of executor) but also in terms of trying to understand what kind of dynamics I have inherited from my mom. I.e why should I get along with this branch of the family and not this, why should I be reluctant to accept help etc.. These are all conjectures of course, I am trying to weed out from my own thoughts, positions I unknowingly inherited from my mother and which may not serve me too well in the coming weeks.

On a more personal level, I am lonely and I miss my home. I would like to make the embarrasing admission that I just googled mike ( again {cringe}- I googled him first when I was crushing on him, and wanted to find out his " specs" ) so I could look at a BSDcan picture of him in a red tee-shirt. I was actually pissed because I know there are other pictures out there.. but I can't find them. How lonely/pathetic can you get? (don't answer that - I don't really want to know if it gets any worse.)

Pity me, send me pictures/aftershave samples/old socks, I live in a room with a towel for a curtain and a Raggedy Andy lamp next to the bed.

Final point, and I know I should have gone on to "the read the rest of this article" but I don't want you kids getting bored and running away just yet..

Why are people in Toronto such sucky fashonistas? 3 million people thinking payless shoes, action pants and a stripey shirt are "good looking enough" is driving me crazy.

The people here are ugly, they walk funny, dress funny, and are full of this sort of normative ennui I can't even describe. And by no means do they drink enough.

GAAAHH!!!... Next time I go drinking I am bringing the Raggedy Andy** lamp that has become my new bed-time buddy. At least I know he won't beg off at ten-thirty before any decent conversation has started.

** for my friendswho are possibly at a cultural disadvantage here is a picture of Raggedy Andy.

sigh.

Continued from main page..