August 24, 2005
yep
okay, okay...
I am thinking of the veda hille song;
Where am I from
Every cloud has a silver lining
It isn't true
where I am from
every cloud has another one behind
and then there's you
with whom I curl so well
where am I from?
the past it fades I find..
Into each life must fall some rain,
now that is true
where I am from
you love the rain or move away
which i didn't do
I love the rain where I am from
.....every chord has a silver-lining.
which is really a lot worse than I feel.
I rebuilt all my partitions this morning to try and give deskie a little TLC and somehow that erased my i-tunes playlist information and the database file that had stored the music. The music is still there I just had to go find the folder and re-import the works, but all my playlists are gone, including one called OUI which was exactly that.
Of course this feeling of thwarted memory is really not just about play-lists of course not. Playlists and the songs that occupy them are an exceelent metaphor for the days and the months the one listens to a certain set of songs, and the reasons why, and the people you gave certain songs to, and the reasons why.
Continued from main page..
I am feeling a whole hell of a lot better than I was last year at this time, when I had an eye-twitch, a penchant for crying, and a whole lot of anger towards myself and a lot of people I cared for most, about including one dead woman.
But it's strange, I was walking down the stairs with Ned at his office and I remembered the last time I was there doing some temp work, and how fucking awful I felt and how abandoned and how i kept trying to explain it to Ned in this terribly repetitive and probably boring way as we walked down the same set of stairs. How I couldn't see any way out and any justification for the way events of the year had happened.
It's hard to accept that part of things being better now is that i am slowly leaving certain sets of feelings behind and trying to re-populate my imagination with new relationships, new ways of loving myself and other people I guess, that hurt all of us less. but it's a challenging thing for me to do, and I keep trying to do it all the same.
I had playlists that were three years old, and some from two days ago. As an aggregate they functioned as a palimpsest of my emotional states. I could check old play-lists against the way I feel now, and use music as a measure of the difference in my sense of self and of the way I transmit that to myself and other people over time.
Oh well, it's like the metaphor in the fairy tale, as you move along the path the woods close over behind you.
Posted by Miriam at August 24, 2005 8:52 PM
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Thank you for this. It makes me remember that for me, too, the woods will close behind me as the path ahead gets clearer. Thanks for lighting the next bit of the path for me.