January 5, 2006

PMS again.

...and then all this stuff with a website that is just one htaccess file short of being a giant pain in my whosis.

.. and then I was silly enough to go and read my 2006 predictions and it was something re-cock-ulous like, "...in 2006 and you will master the higher arts of yearning." and I 'm all like; "Wait just a minute there Mr. Hippy-Astrologer, 2005 was all about mastering the yearn. In 2006 I am all abouts the satisfyin'.."

Then my cousin who is visiting my other cousin here in the south shore and going a little stir from the baby-broken car slow-madness of their life msn-ed me and its turns out she is also a taurus, and she pointed out that taurii are always yearning for stuff. So we agreed to be yearn-pals in '06. I am going to send her pictures of expensive hand-bags and she will send me pictures of fly new computer things.

Prior to the yearn -pal resolution I had called my bestie in whitehorse to bitch about PMS and she explained that she was suffering from certain similiar symtpoms and then we bitched about how the Red Tent is truly the silliest pro-rag propaghanda piece of crap ever written. After the hysterical laughter (you know, laughter about crying and screaming - which is must be the most upseting part for the unfortunate victims of pms rages, that afterwards they are like the FUNNIEST THINGS EVER!) had finished, we actually had quite serious discussion, and now I am going to try and awkwardly transition to the contents of that in the next few paragraphs.

But not before saying that you married people are seriously pulling one over on us unfortunate lonely-pants who have to sit around yelling at the dog because there's no-one around on two legs to abuse. Marriage is simply an agreement made so that when we uteri- havers are going freaking mental due to hormones, the non-mental partner can't "just leave the situation" - as they say in hip-hop.

C'mon don't lie to me, it's not for "better or worse" it's "..for better and when one of us has crazy PMS."

That's why dykes wanna get married, it's so no-one can ever say "My girl left me cause I get really shitty periods." No man, we have got the legal leg-hold trap now.

Okay seriously..

We were talking about suffering, and whether it has meaning, because a friend of a friend is going through a major spiritual transformation, and part of that transformation requires an acknowledgemnt, and even perhaps some outright acceptance, of lifes inherent shittiness. It's buddhism, but since this persons transformation is pretty intense, it's buddhism writ large.

This persons attempt to embrace her suffering tweaks me because I think I am so actively pursueing the opporite goal. I mean not to neccesarily suppress it, but to not make it into some fixture or lens through which I view the contents of my life and the world around me.

One summer at Jewish camp I took part in a discussion that was based on the writings of Martin Buber a Jewish Philosopher, the basic premise of the discussion was "Trying to understand the Holocaust or: why do bad things happen to good people."

Now I could get all academic on that statement (are we Jews really good people and by who's reckoning etc..) but the basic premise is, what is the meaning inherent in suffering? Is there even meaning to be found, or is suffering really just evidence that we live in a universe that is not run by some higher law or justice.

It's interesting because I think religion is often called upon to give meaning to the really terrifying events that shape people. I think it's because in my culture (western capitalist), the basic premise is that if there is something to be gained from a bad event or experience, even from suffering, than it is worth something, suffering isn't some terrible useless experience with nothing to offer, it teaches us how to be "better people" or " how to grow". Since I think a western ideology values value above all things, the idea that something might have no inherent purpose in the scheme of things except to make us writhe around in agonies on the floor for weeks on end is simply terrifying. I know I hate that idea.

For example, my friend and I talked about organ donation, how the opportunity to give organs is an act of compassion, often framed as an act of almost divine generosity, but it serves a purpose for the donars family as well, to reduce the senslessness of suffering. In "Twice Dead:organ transplants and the redefinition of death" Margaret Lock sugggests that for families of accident victims organ donation can give meaning to an otherwise senseless tragedy.

Much in the way that organ donation creates meaning, this newly transormed friend has decided (I think) that every terrible thing that befalls her or anyone else and creates suffering is as much evidence of G-ds existence as are experiences of beauty and joy...

That makes me really uncomfortable, and I am still sitting here writing and trying to figure out why.

Continued from main page..