January 21, 2006

Not en e- mocracy as in the internet

An emocracy as in an emotional-ocracy.

All my feelings sit in a wood panelled room in my brain and argue about who should get to take precedence.

Right now my incredibly giddy joyful feeling is arguing that I should take the dog out to the canal and run up and down and throw up my hands and sing or something.

But then my ambitious practical feeling is saying - "You only have the good fortune if you do the work associated with all the kudos (real and imagined ) you think you are about to recieve."

And then the lazy self -destructive feeling is saying why not just go and lie down for a bit and find something to feel sad about and worry, all this work and activity is really overwheming and scary and the best thing to do right now would be to let something slide so that people don't expect too much of you, so you can never disappoint them.

And then the part of me that likes to micro-manage is saying go and take a shower and then come back to the computer and write a steps-list.

and then the part of me that likes to panic is saying "YOU DON"T HAVE TIME FOR STEPS LIST WHY ARE YOU EVEN WRITING THIS YOU INNEFFICIENT BLABBER MOUTH?" The panicky feeling is generally shouting which gets annoying for the totality of the e-mocracy so the panicky feeling is the least effective of all the members of the house. Panicky is the Stockwell Day of my emotional arsenal, everything panic tries completely fucks up.

However right at this second panic is sort of carrrying the day...

Continued from main page..