January 27, 2006

I showed this to Lauren and she freaked right out.

So I thought I'd share.

I cut off all my hair right before I moved to mtl. I think it was because the long hair was adding to an already incredibly confusing gender/sexuality thing I was going through.

This photo is from when I was 18 years old and at my little brothers bar mitzvah. I wore a three peice suit.

I wish someone had something about the image I was projecting at the time. When I found this photo the other day I felt crazy sympathy for the confused queer 18 year old I was.

I remember having the idea to wear a suit and not some rotty dress and thinking I would be so attractive and stylish, more so than if I had worn a dress. But when I arrived at the event no-one said anything, and I think they were all kind of embarrassed.

My 28 year old self is saying to my 18 year old selfs ghost "hey guess what, you were hot... too bad it took 10 years for you to understand that.."

Look at me, what a mensch I look like a jewish gangster.

I can't believe how hard it was growing up. I wonder why I am thinking about all this stuff now?

ps; what makes me feel even weirder is that my body language in the photo is so male. Man.. I must have had such chutzpah to try and wear that, and then it was like this scandal..

It makes me kind of angry and sad actually.

So yeah - if anyone wants to know why I am growiwng my hair - it's because I want a little of the Jewish gangster courage back in my life.

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