March 13, 2006
So I am sitting here eating instant quaker oats.
Last night I had the third in a series of really freaky fever dreams.
The first involved two bald girls breaking into my apartment and demanding that I hand over all my black power literature.
I claimed I didn't have any and they ransacked my apartment and found a a book of radical black science fiction which they confiscated.
In the second I gave Madonna a sensuous ( I can't spell that sorry. Too many u's an o's) massage and then vigorously dry-humped her bum until I woke up feeling well, kinda romantic actually.
And in the third Jane was driving (yikes) me around the city in a k-car and when I asked if she had her license she laughed and said, "Are you kidding they'd never give me a license, don't tell okay?" Then we swung out into oncoming traffic and I woke up in a cold sweat.
Lauren says I get man-colds. That doesn't mean my colds are worse it means I am a gender bender on the pain management front. I whine like a man with a cold. unlike normal girls who are apparently always getting sick and therefore learn how to function normally while they have a nest of frogs in their lungs and a giant booger ranch up their nose.
Whatever, I am not complaining I am just telling it like it is. Which is phlegmy.
The worst part is, if I got to the CLSC (local health clinic) I know exactly what they will do, make me sit there for four hours tap my knee and then give me two tiny bottles of extra -strength robitusson. I wants some serious medical attention..
Or the boxed set of the L- word delivered to my front door with a some neo-citron taped inside each jewel case.
Oh yeah
listen to Listen to CKUT today at 7:00pm Apparently I am not too sick to miss playing Eve's Quest the feminist trivia game on Dykes on Mykes this evening. Jane and I are going head to head over feminist trivia, should be a laugh riot. Two post-feminist hose-bags will walk in, and only one will walk out.
Oh yeah, in other sick humiliation news I called a friend to cancel our dinner on Sunday night, and instead of saying in the message. " Oh look you're out again, I guess you are big party hopper." I said; " Oh look you're out again, I guess you're a big party humper. OH SHIT I totallY JUST CALLED YOU A PARTY HUMPER DIDN"T I? I didn't mean it. You are definitely not any kind of humper.. I mean.. aww crap.. I just took a lotta advils."
That's right, so I am offically changing my name to Rico Suave today while I wait for my airplane bottles of cold medication.
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