June 24, 2006

I am waiting for tinymce to upload (yawn) and listening to a CD my dear friend, let's call her Lindsey, made me.

Yesterday I went out with Lindsey and another friend... named ummm Crytsal, I don't know whatever. Anyways, the three of us went to a nice small show, a benefit for Breast Cancer Action Montreal and had some dinner, all good times.

Then just before we all went our separate ways, something went a little weird. I won't go into the deets, it's too personal, but basically I let the fact that I think Lindsey is a) super-hot, b) super-confident, calm and collected, c) a lot more secure and happy than I am etc... get in my way, and said some things that were kind of mean, and selfish.

Of course, since I am a big girl I caught myself immediately and when Crystal and I biked away I explained my mistake, and said "I will apologize tomorrow, god I feel like a chump. Why do I still unload my shit on my friends, it's totally uncool?" the last was more of a rhetorical question, and Crystal and I some jokes on the way home about how now that cellphones existed insecure faux-pas repairs could happen almost instantly etc.. etc..

When I got home I wrote a quick apologetic email and turned in.

In the morning/early afternoon I was greeted by not one, but two aplogetic, and heartfelt emails, one from Lindsey, who said she was doing the same thing to me, basically (although I had not registered) and one from Crystal saying that she felt badly at joking about my obvious discomfort, an dmaybe was jealous of me for some other trivial reasons. I am convinced she is just jealous of my swank-dank wireless grovelling machine. ;)

Anyways, what the hell is wrong with us girls?

Why are we all so jealous of each other, if we are all equally awesome and lovely and obviously self-aware to an almost uncanny extent. We shouldn't be jealous we should be smug and self-satisfied as chessy cats with tits.

But we aren't, we are just constantly worried about measuring up to each other - when we are each the others biggest fans. It makes no sense.

I for one accept all the apologies, extend heartfelt apologies of my own, and now, lets' get over this weird Bridget Jones-esque rut of self-criticism, and start appreciating ourselves as much as we should.

Phewf..

Okay tinymce is done. goodbye.

Oh.. nice, listening to KD Lang singing Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen - this is the perfect song to end the friendship revelation I had today.

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