February 28, 2006

I went for another driving lesson today.

I watched a video called "Turning left...right!"

I won't lie, it scared me. Especially the part where the narrator said: "It is important to remain focused on the task at hand and check for every possible outcome."

That's *so* not my style. In fact, I usually wear headphones with loud music blaring because in my life the task at hand which requires my concentration usually happens between my two eyes and behind my cranium.

The video was made in the late 80's so one of the characters had a car-phone, the kind with a cord. The risk being illustrated with Mr. Carphones story was the obvious; "Do not talk on your car phone while performing left turns". I wonder if the SAAQ had any idea that eventually pedestrians would also become oblivious to their surrroundings due to telephony. Does that change Mr. Carphones obligation? You know, if he's about to plow into Mr. Cellphone who crossed on a blinking green because he was paying more attention to his conversation then the traffic signals?

Also, is it entirely neccessary to treat me to a montage of accident victims as the video opens? I don't need to see a blood-stained engagement ring to know that driving is serious business, and that marriage is a trap from which there is no escape.

It would do me good to remember right now that my entire raison d'etre w/r/t getting this license is that I want to listen to road-music while driving on the desolate highways that separate the populated bits of Canada from each other. There's no other reason. Once I get my class 5 license I will not be taking anyone to Ikea (ahem, Jane..) and I am not going to drive in the city. So I should be able to keep any head-on collisions with fiancees to a minimum.

Anyways, Jen sent me this yesterday it's a metro map of montreal turned into anagram poetry and is super-awesome-beautiful-smart etc...

Let's all say a quiet word of thanks to public transportation, it's kept me off the road for 10 years, and if it weren't for bands like VHS or BETA it could have kept on doing its job and we'd all be a little safer.

Okay I just went and looked at the anagram map again, and it turns out that I live at "Penile Anarchist" station.

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BWAAH HA HA HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

February 27, 2006

"Congratulations! The Graduate Admissions Committee of the Graduate Program in the School of Interactive Arts & Technology (SIAT) at SFU has recommended your admission to the Master of Arts program for the Fall 2006 semester program."

sigh.

That's one duck.

Question: Should I move to BC?

Question: Should I move to BC? (seriously)

And we no longer need Dan Brown and his hack job gnosticism to help us get over our addiction to metaphysical word games.

Da Vinci Trial Pits History Against Art, I would re-title that "DaVinci trial pits Total Crap Fiction against Weird New Age Historians.

Brown, whose tale of clerical conspiracy and murder has become the bestselling hardback adult novel of all time, is accused of plundering his plot from a non-fiction work called The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail

As if.

February 25, 2006

blog boredom sets in..

Why won't the guy who is offering stained glass workshops email me back?

Two new quotes that will inform quite possibly the rest of my life

#1/

Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over again to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.

--Pema Chodron

#2/

The tough, whatever, Fuck You Leave self and the more vulnerable, uncertain self who wants to be reassured that you're worthwhile. It seems like these two sides to your personality are dramatically segregated, and it's your challenge to bring a little more toughness and sense to your vulnerable side, and a little more vulnerability and honesty to your tough, slightly full of shit blustering side.

--rabbit

I was just at the laundromat which, as usual, was playing a violent movie on it's two tvs. It makes me angry that I find the images/storylines/depictions in these weird ultra violent movies so repulsive but then I am also completely hooked and stand there staring with my mouth agape, a sock hanging limp in one hand in front of the washing machine.

This one was about a chauffeur who is also an ex-navy seal who is having an affair with the desperately bored and beautiful wife of a millionaire. Then it turns out that the chauffeur is somehow mixed up with these crooks who are going to steal the millionaires kid and hold him for ransom. The baddies are using the chauffeur as their pawn in this evil game of cat and mouse. Except chauffie has fallen for wifey and had a change of heart so he turns hero and has to single-handedly rescue the kid using roundhouse kicks and arm-breaking and defensive driving, and he is rocksolid and softspoken like a young bruce willis so these tall sexy blond women (wife and evil bitch respectively) are all over him while he's breaking heads.

Anyways, whatever, compelling schmompelling, later that same evening I went to a party that turned out obe a poetry reading in disguise, it was so quiet we had to creep back out into the hall to open our beers. I can't figure out which is worse sexy/violent/fascinating hollywood. or people wearing indian print skirts acting out their bad free verse?

Right, and I came home early and updated my portfolio. And you know what? When I am not whining all over this perl-ass peice of shit blog, I am a hard worker.

Oh and you know what else? Andria said that something licked today. Just to keep all my readers in the loop about what licking is... Lick is the new Suck. Violent films suck, but live granola poetry fucking Licks.

A thousand apologies to Girlbomb if she reads this.. you might do live spoken words performances. I bet dollars to donuts they are great. What I saw for 30 seconds before following my 6 pack out the door was not awesome. Far from it.

Okay I think I can sleep now, all the bile is gone.