January 31, 2006

Did you knowthat orchids need a cold spell to bloom. I sure as sheck didn't.

These pictures are from my friends greenhouse.

January 25, 2006

Adding to the Flinks body of knowledge on weird plants and animals..

While looking at a picture of the tiniest fish in the world

I stumbled upon pictures of the biggest fish in the world - which unfortunately is shrinking

This is a whale-shark. That's right, say it again. Isn't it adorable?

The best thing about the whale shark is that despite it's enormous size it's a plankton eaterr. Like Andre the giant in the Princess Bride I imagine the whale shark as being sweet and gentle to the point of foolishness, my favorite kind of creature actually.

Can you imagine the whale shark at parties.

Sting-ray : "So what are you anyway?"

Whaleshark : "I'm a whaleshark"

Sting-ray: "A what?"

Whaleshark : "A whaleshark"

Sting-ray: "So what, like your dad was a whale with a fetish for sharks?"

Whaleshark : (eyes fill with tears) "No my dad was a whaleshark too"

Sting-ray: "C'mon where'd the spots come from then?"

Whaleshark : "I don't think you are being very nice.."

Sting-ray: "What kid of chicks do you get there sharkey, or should I call you whaley?"

Whaleshark : "I'm going to get another drink."

(Stumbles off with fists pressed to tearing eyes).

Here's to the shrinking whale-shark. I and the Okapi salute you.

November 9, 2005

It's called an Okapi, but I prefer to think of it as a Gazebra (stressor on the ga spit out zebra really fast - GAzebra) or Zebraffelle or even Zeraaffe

I saw a picture of one at my cousins last night.

Back story is, I was sitting in my cousins living room on the south shore looking at pictures of her, her husband and their little baby.

I try to avoid feeling like this, because it isn't terribly nice or productive, but inevitably photoshoots of nuclear families leave me feeling like the apple that fell pretty damn far from the tree, and was actually a blood orange or some sort of persimmon anyway.

Until I landed on this adorable picture of an animal that was obviously an "experiment" of the celestial decorating squad.

It's like God told whoever he had on task for the Okapi, "Look I know you're having a bit of a rough time, why don't you take a break on this one, just be creative , really go wild okay? Just enjoy yourself, and don't worry about arriving late this morning - just make sure you're taking care of you."

And thus was born the Okapi, and no-one was really sure what to do about it, so they put all the Okapis in the Congo and focused most of their energy on the Giraffe.

Some important things to know about the Okapi;

"The okapi (Okapia johnstoni) is one of the two remaining species of family Giraffidae, the second being the giraffe. It is native to the rain forests situated in the north east of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and was known only to the local people until 1901. This obscurity led the Society for Cryptozoology to adopt it as an emblem."

"Okapis are largely nocturnal and essentially solitary, coming together only to breed. "

"The tongue of an okapi is long enough for the animal to wash its eyelids and clean its ears: it is one of the few mammals that can lick its own ears."

"Okapis are unusual in their ability to sleep for only 5 minutes in a 24 hour period and remain at peak alertness."

Next step getting a fly tee-shirt made with a picture of an Okapi on it.

October 14, 2005

Is it bad to add gratuitous categories?

It's been raining quite a bit recently and when it rains and I take the dog to the park, I can't help but notice that the paths are chock full of worms. Not just one or two, it's a regular worm freeway come the rain.

So the rains are coming down, and it's fall and there are leaves and funny sticks on the paths, and the difference between a worm and a stick is absolutely nothing on a dark rainy night, to a near-sghted jew. I am like wormageddon in my sneakers, the poor things.

Okay wait the worms are moving very slowly actually, and the sticks are not, sp there is a difference.

my question: What are the worms doing? why are they subjecting themselves to the risk of my feet and others, why not just stay in the ground?

They are so foolhardy those worms, all stretched out and mucas-y and then bunching up when they gain a hardwon inch.

I am like a worm you know, I feel their pain. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it usually does, which is why I can't understand why all those stupid worms keep trying. It kinda makes me hate them and admire them all at the same time.

nb: the only worm-pun I didn't make here is wormapalooza.. There, that about covers it.